army chronicles #3

oh well back to the army again i guess.since its pretty much my life anyway. okay theres one good news and one bad news so i guess it all balances out right haha. well okay i guess i'll just start crapping about my army life. aand actually it doesnt really balance out cos the bad news is really quite bad. its like as good as getting posted out kinda thing. my boss today told me that my move to S2 branch was actually an inevitable thing and i've been handpicked by S2 himself to go over and help him head the media team of 2 other guys. okay wow i've got two guys under me. not a big deal actually we're all working together so yeah. hmm but what really sucks is that i have to leave all my friends behind cos we're working in different offices, i mean kelvin brian nicholas and ker han are really such fun people to be with and besides S2 branch is really so cramped and i dont understand why they actually need me! oh well oh well. at least i get to help out in the NDP'08 show committee kinda thing. thats prolly the only incentive i have in going to S2 branch. and the S2 branch people like Deputy S2 is happy to have me over there la cos he says i would bring much joy and laughter to the branch. but how do i do that when im not even happy with where i am? besides i always see royston getting worked out like a dog la gotta keep helping S2 with his stuff.oh well i guess i gotta make do with where i am and learn to make do with the new friends im gonna have although i'll still miss the old ones. i cant just crap with ker han anytime i want to and besides nat's gonna go also and that sucks too. im losing my friends outside and i cant afford to losemy friends in camp too! oh well thank goodness royston's a nice guy so yeah at least i got him but he's gonna get posted overseas sooner or later and i've to take all the work then! OH MY GOODNESS! okayokay relax i shall get it over and done with..i mean itsonly up to 2009 right how long can it take.hmm. okayokay enough of the emo crap. well i got promoted to the next rank which is Lance Corporal already and its official promotion already haha. i havent sew the rank yet cos im just waiting for my boss to give me the rank then i'll go get it sewn on.and ker han tells me that he rather go army jail than senang diri to me la! am i really that mean. oh well it actually doesnt mean that much la. jus 20bucks extra a month and WOW im 7 mths in the army.big deal. 1 year 4mths plus to go. oh well i shall look forward to my days in S2 branch..and i shall make do with whatever friends and whatever working space that i have in my branch from now on! gotta keep movin on.

God Forgive me.

oh great its been i dont know how long since the last time i posted something on my blog. and well many things have happened duringthis time when i haven't blogged at all cos i guess i was just too lazy to do so.but well now im blogging and i wanna just pour my heart out to God and i hope no one would actually read the posts that i post. hmm anyway where do i start. well i'll start from the actual event of project rigel and awell after that i actually had acrush on ada, one of the girls at projet rigel. i really admired her vigour and energy to be able to last so long without sleep and never failed to have a smile on her face when she was mingling with the kids. well i did admit to her that i had a crush on her which i think wasnt the right thing to do cos what happened after that was really disastrous. she told me she liked me too and yeah we started to get really close even i told her i was gonna leave next time she still refused to let go and she said that she wants to hold on to me. well and me willingly let her and we got really close. then after that we actually went out yesterday and things got really out of hand when physical intimacy started to set in and we went past a point where we really lost our self dignity and the things that we've always believed in. i felt so impure and dirty after that and i realised that probably she just aint the girl for me and i aint ready for such a thing. yes i've been watching couples cuddle and kiss on the roads and in public and im actually envious about them. i wish i was the guy who was receiving then. but then when it actually happens to me, i feel so disgusted. and well i've made a promise to myself that i wouldnt get a girlfriend before i leave singapore and the only girls i would go out with alone are my really good friends and no one else. my mum's right too im really not ready to commit to a relationship cos it really requires lots of energy and time and thats what i really do not have. and besides next year i got ex wallaby and ndp..which would mean i would have even less time for a girl. and i feel really bad to leave ker han like that and he's my buddy i wouldnt want him to be alone when i just run off with some girl like that. he's stood by me many times when i was down and i guess i should repay him by being there for him when he really needs me too. well he did stay over last night and we had a really good chat over some horrible tasting honey ice cream even though it was gelare. there's many things that he hadn't told me and i could tell he was hiding it. hmm its okay la i guess at least he's told me everything. anyway i guess girls are just a hassle after all and i need more time with my army guys and my other friends :D anywa im happy that i had the courage to break everything with ada and make my point clear to her already. well im going to have my lunch now and then after that collect my psp and then after that go with ker han to play pool and swim swim.even though i hate swimming haha. anyway i feel better and happier today than i did yesterday. so the last thing im asking for is..God please forgive me. for I've done you wrong once again.